音樂人生 KJ

My last documentary was Michael Moore's Fahrenheir 9/11... so it's been quite a while.

音樂人生 KJ (Music Life KJ) is a documentary about a young and talented pianist named KJ and his life when he was 11 (2002) and 17 (2007/8). The documentary mixes between the two periods, dissecting this young man's life into three parts: his talent, his views on music, and his views on life. The first words in the documentary from KJ: I want to be a human being.

Although this would be a major disservice to KJ, let me try to put his life (according to the documentary) in a nutshell: he is a perfectionist in all aspects in life, and he expects that he can achieve perfection in life through music.

Unfortunately, life certainly isn't perfect. And the young man is torn between imperfections and his attempts to correct them. The seeds were planted early, as you see the 12 year old KJ get really frustrated with a professional orchestra in the Czech Republic. He yells at his older brother for not being able to play the music correctly. His siblings all point to KJ's learning music as the start of his pursue for perfection. Then you see the 17/18 year old version trying to train a bunch of young musicians to play perfect orchestra music... and he harshly criticizes some of them for hitting the wrong note, or the wrong time, or the wrong note at the wrong time. And he gets really frustrated when the music isn't perfect. Then of course, when the kids get it right, like so many perfectionists, he becomes the happiest person alive and forgives all the problems before.

I've told you many times his attitude towards music - perfection - and he tries to place this attitude to everybody around him. For example, at a competition, he insists on making the perfect music and therefore going overtime for 2 minutes. He is aloof and he doesn't celebrate with his fellow musicians when they win. He harshly criticizes those who play music because they want to win music competitions. (Josekin's note: it's the right attitude, but too simplistic... competition is a good motivation for kids - not every teenager can just motivate themselves to make good music because of their love for music) His only focus is to play good music. And I salute that.

Somewhere along the lines, KJ has also equated music with life. I must first say that KJ is extremely mature for his age, even at 11 (more on this later). He believes perfect music and influence people into perfect lives (My interpretation based on a 1.5 hour documentary). For example, at 17, he is deeply deeply troubled by his parent's divorce. You can see the agony on his face when asked about this topic (very very well done section for a documentary).

As I said before, KJ is clearly a very mature person... at 11, he's put quite a bit of thought on why human beings exists, briefly concluding that it might be better to die young after listening to perfect music: therefore achieving a perfect life... and dying at a high point in life is better than all subsequent points. He's ELEVEN!

Anyway, I guess you see where I'm coming from (if you've read this far... haha). Some people are ahead of their age, seek meaning and perfection in life, and can find it in a very small part of life, be it music, video games, studies, etc. They become very good at it, achieving "perfection"... but fail to leverage it into other parts of life. It's tough cus they are all so smart and talented. But, amen, that is life.

Highly recommended. I think the director used some very effective editing to show us the life of KJ. I believe what I saw and I feel that much closer to KJ. I wish I can meet him. I wish I can tell him about Alan. I wish he would study something other than music - philosophy perhaps, even if that would seriously challenge his way of life. I think if he can experience life without music for a little bit, he can see other perfections.

Ski Trip!

Oh yes... almost a year since I last skied in the icy Northeast, I finally get to pack my skis and head to the slopes. Here's what transpired:

6:00 Snooze
6:09 Snooze
6:18 Call my friend who needs a morning call. Snooze.
6:20 I'm up. It's so cold in the apartment that I put on my ski gear before brushing my teeth.
6:30 Out the door
6:45 Pick up my friend
7:00 Arrive at next stop to make the requisite wait for other friends and hope they woke up in time.
7:30 Alright, off we go.
8:14 Lost, of course. We took the wrong turn and come across the first McD in America. A worthy mistake to make.
9:30 Arrive at ski slopes
9:45 On to the lift
9:46:00 Off the lift! Ready to ski!
9:46:17 Oh shit, I'm at the bottom of the slope already!

Well, you know, I should have expected this. This is the freaking Midwest. I must have made about 20 runs until I was bored. Then I had lunch, accompanied a friend to teach him how to ski, which I found way more interesting than spending 17 seconds coming down the slope, and then went back to Chicago around 3:00 pm. Uh... and to think that I would have a great time at 6:00 am!!!???

I never thought I'd hear it from James. But I did. I've already started the week off with a headache at work... guess bad news keeps accumulating regardless.

I don't know what else I can tell James. He's 17, quite mentally mature for his age. I'm neither a very good big brother nor a very good family member. Here I am, alone in Boston, doing my own thing. Taking full advantage of my parent's willingness to let me live free from them. I care about all of them in Hong Kong. But the bottom line is that I would not want to go back now. I want to finish my AG career, go to graduate school, find out who I am, find out what I want to do, and find my path for my life. At the same time, I want to be a "hau suen" son. Maybe that's an impossible proposition. Fuck.

When James told me that he is very sad and misses Alan very much, and that mom cries all the time, I almost feel ashamed that I am one who is not too sad, doesn't miss him too much, are rarely cries. Maybe I have truly understood Alan and life. Maybe I'm just one cold blooded bastard. Parts of me believe I am the former. Parts of me believe in the latter. Life is full of these dilemma.

And my ultimate advice to my youngest brother? Is to be selfish and think about himself first. ah, the circles in life.

So... I have the responsibilities of an associate, but not the resources. How do I express this to managers and other people who supposingly have a higher rank than me? I don't know. I will voice up though. Hopefully help will arrive and I won't have a headache at work. So this is how stress builds up. One thin leads to another.

Taiwan is a mess. Two things I learn from this. One is that our so called free press in everywhere is not free. Wait, I learned this a long time ago. Two is that democracy does not come easy.

Every person from Hong Kong I speak to thinks the shooting is staged and fake. The basis of their conclusion? The evidence that Ah Bien has benefited from the shooting, there are many grey areas surrounding the injury, and that the injuries aren't life threatening at all. Where do they get this kind of evidence and conclusions? From the HK press, the Chinese press, and, most important of all, their pre-installed perception that Taiwan independence, directly linked to the PPP and Ah Bien, is bad. The last point fuels the first two.... or maybe the first two fuel the last. Either way, the evidence to conclusion path is seriously flawed and biased. To the three points of evidence above, I say: the injuries COULD be life threatening... they are, afterall, right in the stomach and could easily have hit other more important organs; the grey area of the aftermath of the assassination comes with the health of the head of the state; the fact that Ah Bien has benefited from the assassination is no evidence that he staged it himself.

On other hand, it's hard to believe the assassination attempt was a clear assassination. Doesn't assassination mean the taking of ones life? It seems that the shooter knew exactly when the fireworks would go when the car was where. That sounds like an insider knowing exactly the parade and the accompanying functions! Furthermore, an attempt on Ah Bien's life would be fruitless if the shooter shot at the stomach, since presidents are supposed, as we are told later, to wear a bullet proof vest at all times. Also, from the release of information, the shooter seemed very close to the car. Couldn't he or she have attempted a shot at the head? Anyway, evidence exists on both sides of the argument. If you are a truly reasonable person, you would need to consider all this evidence... and it would tell you that it's unclear who shot Ah Bien and why. If it is unclear who the shooter is, how can you conclude it is staged? Unbelievable. People always let their preconceptions of a situation get the best of their judgment.

You call this democracy? No, not the 'staged' (or whatever) assassination to get more sympathy votes. The fact that people are voting not based on what the presidential candidates can do for the people, but based on solely the colors (blue and green). You think Republicans always vote for Republicans? No. Much of the party is moderates and they could easily switch to the Democratic camp if George Bush fucked up. Ditto for the Democrats. No votes are taken for granted. In Taiwan, votes seem to be taken for granted. If you are green, you must vote for green and vice versa. That is not quite democracy.

To some extent, I feel that Hong Kong people are more suitable for democracy. Most people are moderates and they indeed will judge a politician by his or her performance. There are of course contingencies that will support their own party no matter what. But I'm willing to say that the vast majority of the people are not that way. The leftists who have been so critical of the Democratic Party are a perfect example of being extreme. Whatever the DP does, they oppose. Now... how is that different from the DP opposing whatever the government does? I don't know. So many things in the world not going right. It's a depressing world, from Taiwan to Hong Kong to the USA to Iraq to Israel to Madrid to Afghanistan. I hope I can do something to help when I grow up.

Yet tomorrow will be just another day... and I will have to deal with my own issues again.