BID it!

Today at orientation, we all learnt about the UCBS, or Unnecessarily Complicated Bidding System. In a few days, I'll see if my understanding of the system works for my desired schedules and classes. I'm struggling a bit between 3 and 4 classes, but 4 seems to be the way since I (probably) don't have to worry about recruiting in the Fall quarter.

Anyway, still struggling with this bidding system.

Wedding Crasher...

Man, I've never laughed so hard in my life... okay, rephrase: I've haven't laughed so hard in my life for a long long time! Excellent movie except for the last 10 to 20 minutes when they ran out of jokes and made it a chick flick. But that's okay. Hilarious movie.

The theaters were showing Crash (Movie that explores racism) again. I love that movie. Absolutely positively love it. Go see it.

Off to White Sox game now. Yup, that's right: baseball games are part of orientation!

Back in Chicago

Just returned from a three day trip to Geneva Lake, Wisconsin for GSB's orientation. Fun trip, highlighted by a high ropes course and more alcohol consumption. There were a couple of team building activities as well, which I thought were extremely useful. Definitely worth another try. Let see, what did I learn: loud hot heads can still be a benefit.

Anyway, it's nice to be back in Chicago.

500am

It's 5:30 am and I've already showered and ready to leave home. Well, it's only natural to ask "WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU UP SO EARLY!?" I ask myself too. There's a business school outdoor leadership thingy in Wisconsin that requires us to be at school by 6:00 am and then be bus-ed over to the Wisconsin. Argggggg.

2 in 1

Well... I tried to post yesterday and didn't realize I didn't publish it. Here goes again.

Dry!

Yay, I stayed dry for two days. Hm, let me see, what was the difference...? No hanging out with business school students! haha.

On home improvement, I got myself a kitchen rolling cart for my rediculous cabinet-poor kitchen. I think I've also found my coffee table/foot rest from Jennifer Convertibles. No bookcase and media rack yet. No sofa either.

The Streak

Chicago is obviously treating me "well"... last night (Thursday) was my 13th consecutive drinking day/night. At this rate, I'll become an alcoholic before school even starts (Sept 26). I'm also going to be downing 40 shots a night (every week, I've added 2 drinks to my night) by the end of the quarter (10 weeks). Ah, the life of a business school student!

Not sure how long this is going to last. Some students already know about my "streak" and there's peer pressure that's mounting. You got to think, however, that it's got to end somehow! I was hungover at accounting class (and late) today. By the way, accounting is still boring even if you have the best instructor.

Accounting class will be over today. Orientation starts next week. Good times.

First class finally...

Not that I'm particularly looking forward to them, but it was nice to finally get a class under my belt. Harsh reality check though, as I had to wake up at 630am and take the train to school. So far so good... accounting maybe boring, but it's quite the necessary evil. I think I now have A = L + SE down and the credit debit situation. What I really don't get is the naming of line items... it seems like people just make them up. The flexibility of the so-called definitions are worrisome as well... but hey, without those flexibilities (and the evil corporate world that took advantage), I wouldn't have had such a nice job at the Analysis Group!

Back from Belize

Good week of vacation in Belize. Now waiting on accounting class on Monday. How fast things can go in a downward spiral!

The Belize trip included visits to Mayan ruins, cave tubing, wind surfing, and snorkeling. Loads of fun, plus I met some great people down there. Pictures will be on later with full descriptions at www.josekin.com - which now has a new starting page that is subject to change!

I think I learnt more about U of Chicago and its people on this trip more than I ever did from the few trips I made down there. While not exactly looking forward to school, the chance of meeting 500 plus awesome individuals and learn from them (and hopefully them from me as well) is exciting. Tomorrow will be the first day in years when I am required to be at some place at some time for a class. Let's hope I survive.

Morning Viewing

Waiting for the RCN guy to come to my apartment to give me modern life (TV and internet, that is), I popped in the Red Sox World Series DVD. Ah, the joy of watching this over and over again and imagine that we (we as in the Boston Red Sox and yours truly) won over and over again. I would especially like to point to Kevin Millar in the pre-game sounds when he warned the Yankees about the importance of Game 4. In retrospect, Millaaaaah was quite the genius!

Oh, and the link points to my next possible DVD purchase: 35 hours of Red Sox material in 12 DVDs. Maybe, just MAYBE, I can watch them all in one go. Hopefully with Matt Volinsky, whose up and down in the office was a clear indication of how the Red Sox were doing.

Oh, the picture

It's a really cool picture. At first sight, I was thinking of Absolut Vodka ads. Then I thought about aliens arriving on Earth. I think my mom put it the best: seems like a lighted match/flame!

Picture taken by Ricky in NamTso

Not only have I almost moved into my new appartment, I also had time to do a little furniture shopping! I rearranged some furniture to (almost) complete my bedroom. Now all I need to do is do the living room.

Bed! Table! TV!

I can't stress how happy I am with all my stuff arriving today. Finally I can sleep on a bed.

I woke up at 9 to go talk to my neighbor about using the elevator. She has reserved it for the entire morning (9 to 12) for her moving out. My movers (yes, they are mine) told me that they would arrive around 11. So I needed to see if they would be finished by then and, if not, whether we can share the elevator since we're going in two different directions.

Anyway, no trouble at all. Moving out was done by 11 and my movers arrived at 12. All is now in the apartment. I spent the next few hours unpacking clothes and small stuff. Tonight I will try to get my entertainment system going. I also need to assemble the bed. I don't know what to do with my books. Probably will make a book case using bricks and wood later on. They really are last on my mind. Okay, I'm rambling... BED! YES!

Review on Time Traveler's Wife

I finally finished the book. It was rather long and not the most straight-forward reading. Anyway, I got the book from Kaleen right before I left for the airport. The girl sitting next to me on the plane was reading the exact same book. Except that she was on p318, and me on p1. She said it's a good book.

Now this is a completely guy thing to do, but I noticed the love story insofar as the logic of the events. Not to spoil the book for you, but when the writing is about time traveling, you wonder if the author worked out all the kink of time traveling. A great love story, yes. A great set up, stronger yes. I wonder if the story will unfurl as it is had our hero not been able to time travel. Did he make things happen? I keep scrutinizing the story up till the end so it wasn't much fun for me. Perhaps you should keep an open mind.

Anyway, deterministic world or free will? I've always been the proponent of determinism. Science rules all.

In town...!

Finally, I seem to have started my next phase of life! The flight from Hong Kong was uneventful unless you count the fact that the girl sitting next to me was reading the same book I'm reading! Time Traveler's Wife. Book review coming soon.

In other news, I found my new Chicago bank, which was acquired by my old Boston bank. So I don't have to do anything. All account info the same. Even got cash from the teller: I've lost my ATM as well as my cash envelope (probably still in Hong Kong). I found internet, cable TV, and phone through RCN. I found electricity.

My two problems: One, I was under the impression that movers would arrive on Aug 10. Turns out it would be Aug 20! After some bitter arguments, it became Aug 15. Internet will "arrive" Aug 15 as well. Two, I need an adaptor for my phone charger. It's on its last leg right now and that is not good.

One more minor problem: Cingular SIM card is temperamental.

Otherwise, life is good. I hope I can last a couple more days in Chicago in an empty home!

Website operational!

Yay! www.josekin.com
It's really hard work to start something like this, at least for me... I wonder how well I will be maintaining this in the future. My next trip will be Belize and I am already looking forward to adding a new section!

Well well well... finally!

Let's see... couple of finalys today:
1. I finally got around to finish pre-LEAD online assignments for the University of Chicago.
2. I finally cashed all my traveler's checks.
3. I finally registered and paid for my own website!

You could say that 3 is the only one that matters. YAY! Now I have to put information onto it... as well as suffer through the learning process of making a website. As for the domain name, I will let you know soon!

Prayer Wheels

Picture I took in Tibet. The week before, I was in Philippines visiting my bed-ridden grandmother. Since there wasn't much to do other than accompanying her to the hospital and eating lots of fresh food, I spent most of my free time writing my own website. That's right: with home page and travel page and all that good stuff. Right now, I'm learning how to use Picasa (I love google products. I'm not Ben, I swear) and Hello along with this Blog site. Very convenient so far.

It's been two years...

July 23rd, a day my family will always remember. We visited Alan this morning. I went back home with my parents after dropping James off for an mock SAT test. Anyway, a blog happened. I went back to emails and other writings that I wrote immediately after Alan's passing away. There were a lot. I suppose I recorded them then for a reason... I cannot remember what it was. Nonetheless, a blog is where I want them to be now. So, two years after Alan (AA2? As opposed to AD2005), the blog is born. A website should follow, and that is when I'd tell people about the blog.

I'm BACK!

At least I survived the Tibet trip... I will put the details of the trip on a website with all the pictures. Must do this before I leave Hong Kong!

I'm OFF!

Tibet, here I come...!

Birthday

Just like any other day... I mean, what's the big deal anyway?
Met a few friends, had a few drinks, enjoy a good night.

Pics from SH

Museum of City Planning - which ironically does not have a curator, judging from the lack or organization in the building. Bits and pieces of information scattered around 5 floors. On their own they are okay... put them together? Disaster. It does, however, look extremely like the new Chicago GSB building!

Kaleen and I in front of LuXun's Former Residence. Lu was a revolutionary (I did not know that before) and quite the writer. His place has been kept well. I would highly recommend making the visit to the residence and the nearby memorial museum.

Shanghai

First of all, thank you Kwun for hosting me. Despite not spending much time together, I greatly apprecaiate the entire trip you planned for me! And since it's not a secret anymore, Kwun is heading to Chengdu in July to be the big boss of that port. She will have two cars and three servants - one of them a driver - and live in a big house with a Panda in the backyard. Okay, I made up the last part. OKAY, I made up all the parts except her moving to Chengdu. =)

Congrats.

Couple of Shanghai observations... if you HAVE to compare it to Hong Kong, here's my assessment. It's less tidy, less clean, less civilized, less orderly, less polite, less international, less expensive. It's also more progressive, more cultured (note: different from civilized!), more dynamic, more versatile. Definitely has a much higher ceiling - in almost everything except for language - than Hong Kong. Or at least that's how I subjectively feel. The less and more comparisons are quite objective! And as I've told Kwun many times, it's basically HK smashed on top by a hammer - everything is a little shorter and a little flatter. The appearance of the two cities - infrastructure and people - are extremely similar!

All in all, comparisons with Hong Kong are, I guess, unavoidable. From Shanghai's point of view, what city can they look up to? It has to be Hong Kong. Anyway, I shall not make any more comparisons. Here's my summery of Shanghai. I liked it a lot. I feel really sad that this is my first time in Shanghai. Had I been there 10 years ago, I could have witnessed the greatest change in a city in the shortest period of time! Although I did all the tourist stuff, I was quite impressed with how the government has done with those spots. Despite all tourists and locals being attracted to the same places, it still felt okay. In China, my experience is that whenever there is something good, the entire city will be there. Maybe that's the case in Shanghai, but I don't feel that way. Still a lot of people though.

Shanghai doesn't have much of a history. So its revolutionary history is rather contemporary. With all the foreigners roaming the city and all commercial/tourist activities kissing up to them, it does indeed still have the 1930s Shanghai Tang feel to it. Sad? Or not? I don't know.

Ooops, running out of gas already. Maybe should do day-by-day trip description... until next time! Oh, I highly recommend visiting former houses of Lu Xun and Sun Chong Shan. Gives me shivers just thinking about what great minds they possessed! Gives me even more shivers on how little I have accomplished with my life at 25. OKAY, 26!

Crash (Movie)

While I've seen quite a few movies lately due to my lack of busy time, I have only seen one worthy movie: Crash. As such, I will have a short paragraph dedicated to it.

The premise of Crash is very simple: racial discrimination could be what it looks like but could be not what it looks like. You know, I can't even really type about it because the movie is such a simple one. Go see it. I highly highly highly recommend it. It's written by the person who wrote "Million Dollar Baby," except that this script makes much more sense. It's an ensemble cast which means not one character becomes fully developed. Usually, I feel very unsatisfactory with this type of movie - characters played by good actors but never have the moment to really shine. But in Crash, I was very happy with what little time each character was given.

Go see it. While I can talk about racial discrimination all day in an email and bore you to death, seeing the movie is a much more powerful tool. I guess we discriminate against many people all the time... with or without reason. The key is how we deal with it when such circumstance actually happens.

Men are from Mars

"Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"
This book is a gift from Kaleen... presumably to tell me that I need to learn more about her and the female animal in general. I found it to be the pinnacle of irony!haha. In the first few pages, the books says "men and women are different... men don't like to read self improvement books and believe it is a waste of time." I almost wanted to just stop there. haha. A few chapters later, it indicates that "Men do not like to be criticized directly." Instead, the women should "use less direct methods to criticize men." At this point, I'm flipping over my stomach and calling Kaleen, accusing her of using a less direct way to directly criticize me. Anyway, I then found that I did the wrong thing because the book says "women criticize became they love their men; any brush back would be viewed as unloving." Man, I am totally stuck.

Anyway... would I recommend the book? Yes and No. You can guess what's the No? NO TO MEN! Enjoy the read. A load of bull crap but could be funny if you can "apply" many of the warnings/suggestions to your own relationship.

For example, when Kaleen asks if I know my directions to xyz, I say "the book you gave me to criticize me indicats that you should not ask me if I know the directions. That implies that you do not trust me and that would really upset me. Instead, you should have said 'I want to get to xyz on time.' If you said that, according to the book, I will take it on as a challenge to not get lost and get you to your destination in time no matter what it takes. I might even look at a map because I don't want to disappoint you." At this point, she is rolling her eyes and don't ask anymore.

Good stuff.

Goodbye, Boston

Remember I once said that waking up to inspiring emails is the best way to wake the brain up? Still true, still true.

I've spend 10 years in New England and 8 years in Boston. Strangely, I don't feel too attached to either place. I will forever be grateful for my experiences at Kent School. If you remember, I was quite a wreck in SPCC. Kent School set me straight. Sort of rediscovered why I should study hard and the fact that studying can be fun. Tufts was an easy four years where minimal effort was rewarded with maximum grades. Made a lot of friends. Turns out that most of them would be just that: friends. I thought I made a lot of good friends. But as people came and people go, good friends became friends became acquaintances.

Carrie Lee, a good friend of mine at Tufts, left Boston after a year working for Arthur Anderson and never looked back. Yvonne Tung, occasional email. Karen Lau, another good friend, kept in good contact and I hope to visit her soon in DC. Bruce Kessler/Won Lee/Anthony Tesssler, good friends for a long time. Mike Leung, only because I am in Chicago now.

Ah, the list goes on. Even Vincci, whom I've seen so little since she came to Boston. I've honestly spoken to her voicemail more. And yet, this all means nothing. Without contact, it is my belief that very very very very very little parts of the friendship is dropped. With contact, it doesn't mean any friendship is strengthened. I guess due to this mentality, I stay in contact with people but don't really think much of it. So what does leaving Boston mean to me? Right now? Absolutely nothing. Maybe when I start a new life in Chicago, the first time I get lost on the streets and take the wrong train, I will note that I am no longer in Boston, a city that I know inside out!

So. Bye bye Boston. Analysis Group, by the way, deserves it's own paragraph. Short, I promise: if it weren't for the 4 years of working experience, Boston would be much more forgettable! Analysis Group is a great company - I suppose you all know this by now - they take care of their employees with faith and expect the employees to do the same to the company. Of course, this model doesn't exactly work out perfectly. You'll certainly have people who work 9 to 5 and call it a day. I think AG knows but doesn't care. As long as there's a percentage of people who are grateful and put in the extra mile of work, the firm will ride that effort into profitability. People - that is the most important ingredient in businesses.

Anyway... the last advice I got from my peers: don't underestimate yourself.

What news source do you read in Hong Kong and China? Do you just read the newspaper? Just internet? Chinese? English? I ask because living in the "free and democratic" nation of America, it is almost comical to read news from both sides. On one hand, I have the free press of CNN, NY Times, WSJ, and so on... on the other hand I read Mingpao.com.

The "free" media spends about 70% of the press discussing the demonstrations and how demonstrations work in China, mostly implying that it is state-controlled. The rest of the coverage turns to the cause of the problem and indicate that the demonstration "was triggered in part by a new Japanese history book that PROTESTORS SAY fails to admit the extent of Japan's World War II atrocities." At this point, I don't even have to turn to MingPao to see the other side of the issue... I believe my own gut feeling: that Japan needs to shed those rightists and hawks and actually feel sorry about what it has done to not only Chinese, but mankind. Most of the Japanese I've met in the US are really nice people. Most of them don't talk about WWII, but every now and then you see the remorse they have and the extra effort they take to say what we did was so very wrong. Anyway, my point is that I am not anti-Japanese... I am anti-Japanese hawks... actually, you can even narrow that to non-apologetic hawks (I wonder if any are apologetic...).

Oh, and add one more thing: I am anti-one-sided-non-objective media.

More food for thought: I'd like to see the Chinese history text books and what those say about 1. Tibet, 2. Great Leap Forward, 3. June Forth, 4. The Nationalists, etc etc. Ah, the IRONY!

Some of my personal feelings. Being Chinese, it's impossible to ignore what has been happening to Chinese in the last 200 years. In particular, Nanjing Massacre, Great Leap Forward, and June Forth rank as the three worse things that's happened: one was a by-product, the other two caused by man. Should the communist party apologize their
errorenous judgement in the Great Leap Forward? I think they need to (and have) admitted error. The other two events: I think since a human decision was involved, they need to admit and apologize.

And change. Like the Germans. So remarkable... is this a fundamental difference between the West and the East...!?

Predictably, I wasn't admitted to Harvard and Stanford... tough choice between MIT and Chicago then!

I got admitted to University of Chicago GSB... just yesterday I was
almost sure I was going to MIT. How life changes within a phone call!

Random thoughts:
Sometimes, no choice is a good choice.
Human mind is funny, I've been convincing myself that MIT is the best
possible situation with the best fitting program for me. Now it's
trying to convince me anything away from Boston trumps MIT.
I can watch the Bulls play ball!
The Bulls!

I have a weird vibe from the people I've met at Chicago...

Somethings never change...

I'm almost accepted that I will be spending another two years in Boston, going to MIT Sloan. No complaints, obviously, but just slightly disappointed that I couldn't go to sunny SF.

Anyway, met up with Ben Luk at his hotel two days ago to transport him to McWing's home. Our first conversation. Some things never change:

Me: Dim ah, lei?
Ben: noise
Me: Mut yeh wah?
Ben: noise
Me: Can applicants even understand you?
Ben: Yes.
Me: Really...?
Ben: Diu. Noise.
Me: Mut yeh wah?

Reality: I've been working on creating a table for our clients lately... the numbers are hard to get so I've been working a lot in the office to get them. Anyway, I found a short cut to the problem and did it.

Dream: Walking by the CEO's office, I overheard my boss talking with the CEO, basically indicating that Eric seemed to have use some shortcuts that were wrong. The tables are out and the clients are pissed. I panic. I FLED to the top floor of the building, hiding in a shaded corner. Somehow, our HR person was able to track me down and bring me back down to the office, where I meet with the CEO, my boss, and a bunch of analysts in a meeting room. The CEO fired me, said I was careless and wrong, and then indicated that she would retract her recommendation for MIT and make sure I don't get into any school. I cry and I beg for forgiveness.

Reality: I woke up, sweating profusely and obviously stressed out. At 5 am.

Damn work.

A series of unfortunate events

More MBA news. I sent in "extra material" to Chicago and they decided to interview me (after refusing to do so the last 4 months!). Still waiting for Stanford, though chances are smaller as time passes.

I visited MIT last weekend. Basically it's the school's sales pitch to us, so they bring out the best professors, the best speakers, the best students and try and wow us. On the other hand, there's also the people who attended the event, my potential future classmates. Obviously a very impressive list of young people. I wonder if thinking everybody else is so much smarter than myself a common phenomenon for all people? I don't think my work requires a lot of intelligence, and I defintely know that I'm not very smart (see A-Math results from HK, haha!)... but somehow people at MIT think I'm smart and my job is cool. Meanwhile, I think they are very very smart and I'm just lucky to be there with them. It was a weird feeling.

Some after comments on MIT. It's obviously a good school... but it also impressed me in other ways. The people are great. All very down to earth and adventurous. Numerous activities for students to keep them busy. Generally, although I am bored with Boston, MIT will make staying in the city a little less painful. Despite being in Boston, going to business school, I think, would give you a completely different perspective on the city.

You know, at first I wanted to talk about bad things, but now I don't anymore. In short: report due on Tuesday, so I planned to move my apartment on Wed. (New address, by the way: 90 Summer St Apt 2, Somerville, MA 02143. Same as McWings) Boss said everything is fine, so I didn't even plan to work that much. Friday night, stuff blow up and I have to come in on Sunday (Saturday I was at MIT). Got sick on Sunday (from MIT, I think). Damn, this isn't short! All day Monday working franctically. Tuesday come in at 7am, report not going out, delayed a day. Work all day Tuesday. I STILL HAVEN'T PACKED MY APT! All night working. 3am, got home, pack some more, 6:30am back in office for meeting. 12pm I absolutely had to leave to office to move apt. 6 pm done. back to work till 9 pm. report delayed again. back to
new apartment to unpack till 12am. got in this morning at 8am to continue finished up the report. It's out now. I think. Hence I can email.

If you ask me, I think Dan Brown (the author) and Da Vinci Code is overrated. His earlier book Angels and Demons follow the same pattern. Nonetheless, a nice and quick read that will bring you some reading pleasure and will not disappoint. Overrated though.

Remember the first John Grisham book, The Firm? Pretty good book. Then you read his next book (The Chamber, A Time to Kill, etc etc) and you find a pattern: more of the same.

Anyway, since being admitted to MIT, strange things have happened:
1. less work, less desire to work
2. way too much free time
3. notice people around me
4. notice things around me
5. more time to think about family
6. more time to think about Alan especially
7. reflections on my life and life in general

Just weird.

My week

Is very good.

I just got into MIT Sloan Business School. They called me this morning. Of course the first reaction is disbelief... then I remembered McWing's episode on how she though others were playing jokes on her by calling her and telling her she got into Harvard Graduate School of Design. No joke here. I recognized the MIT phonenumber and braced for impact!

I skied last weekend, all 3 days. Awesome ski conditions. I think Iimproved slightly.

Tonight I play basketball.

Like I said. My week is very good.

Movies!

As my applications draw to a close, I feel like a free man. Some movies that I have been able to see while squeezing all sorts of minutes out of my schedule. And some other thoughts. In sequence:

Closer
A truly phenomenal movie. Don't watch it with a wife, girlfriend, or date. Just don't. I just noticed that I have to mention all three stages now...! Anyway, the story is incredible. For those who liked "12 Nights," "Closer" would be the more realistic and dark version of the movie. Good performances all around and good story. If it weren't for another movie I just saw, I'd say it is the best. Without spoiling the movie for those who haven't seen it (You can't really spoil it anyway), the movie just talks about deception and lies in a relationship. And love and trust. Human beings are very simple and non-sophisticated animals, yet we are able to make even the most simple situation complicated.

Kung Fu
A masterpiece for Chow Sing Chi. In terms of special effects. Otherwise, it is a movie made for the China market: simple simple plot, a few funny spots, a lot of ooohs and aaaahs. I'd recommend it. But with caution.

Meet the Fockers
Funniest movie I've seen all year (mind you, I saw it in 2004). Once again proving that good actors can make good movies. Dustin Hoffman is hilarious. Always liked him.

Sideways
Very good movie as well. I guess independent films should have higher standards, but I'll still rate it high. Better than "Closer." Gabriel, this may be too late, but it's a movie about a man who is about to get married and a man who cannot let go of his divorce. mmm. Don't see it with a wife, girlfriend, or date. Maybe not the best idea... if you like wine this is a great movie. if you don't, there's a great lesson to be learned. Kaleen didn't like the hero in the movie. I sympathize with him a lot. There are so many things that add up in a person's life (wine) that you just have to be very careful in dealing with it. If not, you spoil the person (wine) in its peak.

Other insights...
Watched a few previews before watching "Sideways," including Million (british movie), Rwanda Hotel (independent film). Looked extremely good. Made me think about why Hollywood movies (such as Fockers) are so mindless and useless in the world. The films made outside of the States are so much more well made and well thought out. It's amazing and extremely sad that Hollywood is where the money is. Perhaps it is just the market of USA that makes money, not the idea of Hollywood? Or is it true that you have to make your money through dumb ideas that appeal to millions?

More on level of audience - Asia style.

China Chinese/Thai/SE Asia - unsophisticated, looking for entertainment, no plot twists, simple and straight forward, fast pace, demand brandnames

Korea - unsophisticated, entertainment, some plot twists, simple story, same point over and over again, slower pace, demand brandnames, will tolerate with good entertainment.

Japan/Hong Kong - somewhat sophisticated, entertainment, plot twists, diversity, different paces, brandname important, but movie more important.

Independent film: sophisticated, twists, diversity, paces, no brandname, maybe entertaining, whatever the director likes.

Somehow, I am depressed.

Crazy Dude vs Stupid Dude

So. I was on the T (Boston's MTR, only about 50 years older, 20 times slower, 10 times less efficient, 3 times more dirty, 2 times as expensive, and 1.5 times ruder) on my way to work late morning. About 10 am, I'd say, so it wasn't very crowded. A big black man comes into the cabin and starts to talk to himself. Just a crazy dude that I've grown accustomed to seeing on the T. He talked about how he is a slave with money, and he can't use it because he is a slave, the world is fucked up, and whites discriminate against him. Crazy dude. Nobody cared. Nobody responded. He kept talking.

In comes a white dude on the next stop. He listens to this crazy dude and then starts to reason with him. I refer to this white dude as stupid dude. Anyway, the stupid dude starts reasoning with the crazy dude about how he is not a slave and he enjoys freedom as he speaks. Valid points, certainly. Bra-fucking-vo. But not to a crazy dude. Remember, he's crazy! Reasoning quickly a shouting match. A shouting match becomes a yelling match. A yelling match quickly escalates to agun fight. Nah, just wanted to see if you were paying attention. It became a profanity-laced screaming in your face type of thing.

At this point, every passenger on the T were dead silent and closely monitoring the situation. In case someone pulls out a gun or gets into a fight, we all know where to duck. Or how to grab the gun, for American cowboys. "This is Park Street, please transfer to the green line here." I got off as soon as possible and transfered to, what else, the green line.And so I ask, what is the moral of the story? It is this: the world can have a crazy dude. It can have a stupid dude. It cannot have both. That is, we can either have Saddam or Bush. Not both. You put them together, disaster ensues and people get scared and leave the arena.

Just thought it was funny how I immediately thought of those two.

Someone said I am "Dai Nam Yan" but couldn't come up with an example. Could you? I'm wondering. I don't think I am. Sometimes I get angry when things aren't smooth and it seems "Dai NamYan" but I quickly cool down and think about the actual situation. I keep wondering.

More on Break Down Guy

Alright, I feel I left you guys hanging with my story about the "typical" HK worker whom I thought was in a sad situation. A little recap: this guy who just joined Analysis Group broke down at 4am and started crying to everybody he spoke with. He refused all help offered and insisted that he himself was the center of problems. At the same time, he talked about quitting the company because he doesn't think he's treated right.

So of course you see the conflicting comments already (the latter one wasn't mentioned in the earlier emails). On one hand he thinks it's unfair. On another hand he thinks it's his fault. And all in all, he thinks he needs to work alone to solve all problems. He refuses help and wants to keep everything a secret.

And I was talking about a typical HK employee in the same sense. They all work so hard with absolutely no target in mind. They say yes to every request. They think that if they finish it quick and without help, they will be recognized for their working prowness, if you will.

If I could yell at this guy (and many more HK dudes who pretty much behave the same), I would:

First off, you cannot say yes to everything. The world of working consists of givers and takers. Givers will be bigger givers if takes become bigger takers. You have to stop the cycle. ESPECIALLY if you don't like it. If you like it, all bets are off. Work 24 hours. I don't care. If you don't, JUST SAY NO. What's the big deal when you say no to an unreasonable request?

Second, why blame yourself? There're are at least two people: you and your manager. There's also your other colleagues, your manager's manager. If you are the only person working at 5AM for your team and everybody else is gone, you have a real problem. Certainly, some blame falls on you. But it doesn't ALL fall on you.

Third, why refuse genuine help? Why try to be your own hero when you can't? Does asking help show a weakness? NO. It shows that you understand your weaknesses and you are working to address it. Always ask for help. And if help is offered, don't refuse it. Use resources that are available to you!

Office Story

Tuesday: the previous day I worked until 3 am and went back home. I woke up at 730 am because a colleague and I were going to interview at Tufts University. That started at 900 am and ended at about 500pm. Of course I still have my Thursday deadline for work and Friday deadline for school. To be honest, unless I can find another body to substitute me at Tufts, I have to go.Anyway, after interviews ended, I headed back to the office and started to work. To be honest, I'm much more efficient at night. Nobody calls to disturb my work and I can work at an astonishing speed when I am not bothered. So the night keeps going by...

And I'm almost done with my work at about 4am. Ready to go home. Call my colleague to see if he needs any help. Then he tells me that another colleague of mine just had a mental breakdown in the office and is crying uncontrollably. Great. Now I can be a baby sitter too. The guy is talking to his parents on the phone while crying and just couldn't get a hold of himself. After hanging up, I go to his office and tell him to GO BACK HOME RIGHT NOW.He refuses. Saying that he has to finish his stuff before 8am. I told him that he must go home now because he cannot work inn his state of mind. Just doesn't work like that. He's probably 10% efficient and at 10% efficiency, nobody should be working. Refused again. Finally, my colleague and I tell this broken guy that we won't leave unless he leaves. Furthermore, since I was the most senior of the three, I told him whom he should talk to for help. In these situations, although hefault lies with the analyst, whoever is the manager MUST bare responsibility. And if this broken guy doesn't speak up, he will be broken all the time. Predictably, he insisted that he should solve everything himself and he didn't want to seek help. UP TO YOU, I said, withholding DUMBASS in my sentence, BUT I'M HERE TO HELP YOU AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO "THEM", I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU. Refused.So, the night ended at 5am when I literally dragged this guy out of his office, put him on my car, and drove him back to his home (near mine, luckily) and told him to skip the morning meeting.

Wednesday: The guy told me not to tell anyone. But I just felt that I had to. Analysis Group treats me very well and I think it should treat every employee just as well. I spoke to the people in charge (HR-type, for emergencies and personal problems, etc.) and the issue has since been resolved.

RED SOX!!!

This will probably mean nothing to you all. BUT THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!! Wow. I am still in disbelief.

Well, if you truly do not understand, here's a list of reasons why the Red Sox came back from 0-3 against the Yankees. For games 4 to 7 (read on your own peril):

1. I was in Boston, not Chicago (games 2 and 3).
2. I watched the games at MY HOME, not a bar (game 1, game 3).
3. I did not cut my nails (until today)
4. I did not change my clothes (Red Sox logo)
5. I did not change my shorts (Red pants)6. I did not change my boxers (blue strips)
7. I was on the phone with Kaleen THROUGHOUT the ENTIRE games
8. I had my Chinese health balls (Kin Hong Kau) for rallies
9. I never watched the first inning (game 1 and 3)
10. There are about 5 million people in Boston doing similar things.

Book Review 2

Finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie. Another very good book with a meaningful story. I'd recommend it.

My friend Ben says the book has a short effective (affected?) period: you will go back to normal life after reading the book. i.e. not that life changing. Yes, life does go on after reading books that talk about how to improve life and what should living life be like. I don't expect books to make an immediate impact on lives. But there will be a time that comes and something in your life will suddenly be relevant to something in the book. I promise that. For Tuesdays, it's a young man watching an old man die. As we age, that will happen to all of us as well. And I think it is at those moments that books we've read before come back to touch us.

Two books about the lessons of life and death. One teaching through life before death and the other life after death. I enjoyed both. Read them. Oh, and I already mailed three to my family in HK.Today, I went sailing after a nice brunch. Then came back to the office to study GMATs. Yet I cannot bring myself to full concentration... oh well. Two weeks before exam, and I don't have enough time to study.

Book Review

The book I just finished reading is "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom, who also wrote "Tuesdays with Morrie." I have never read Tuesdays, but I plan to buy that book based on what I read in Heaven. A very creative book with a light story about life - a man dies and he goes to heaven and his experiences up there.

I wish Alan went through the same thing.

Back to the book. It's light and it warms your heart. Critics have said that the Tuesdays book is much better. I wonder. Heaven is already a very good book... most critics may be religious and therefore have a bias against Heaven. Either way, I haven't read the first book so I will pass on judgement now. Will get back to you guys once I read Tuesdays. Oh, and if you are religious, Heaven should still be a nice story to read. It's very short and shouldn't take more than a day.

Have fun reading. And hopefully you can reflect on your life as well.

Let's start with the movie I saw. "The Village" by M Night Shyamalan. Excellent movie. If you haven't seen it, go see it. As you know, Shyamalan has made Six Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs. He's a great story teller and has a knack for creating fear among the audience. Personally, I think Six Sense and Signs were just good stories. Unbreakable had a bit more flavor to it... the movie itself wasn'tthat great (certainly not as good as Six Sense), and the twists were that "twisty"... but it had a certain vibe about it. A certain vibe that people like myself would think about and talk about long after the movie was over.

The Village is like that. Except that it's a better movie and a much better story. What I liked most about it was the moral story it told. Although you may be tempted to think about the twists, think about whether the movie made sense, whether there were any points where you could have sensed the twist (I know I did... very early in the movie), whether there were any mistakes in the story telling of Shyamalan, I urge you not to. Think about the WHYS in the movie. It's fascinating how much moral come out of this movie.

I just worked 18 hour days... leaving the office at 330am and then returning at 630am... and now still going at 230pm. Will go home soon and sleep my head off... unless, I get to see another movie.

Quarterlife Crisis...

Quarterlife Crisis, clarified and simplified:

You are done with school, came out to work with many hopes in life. You think you are going to make a difference in the world... or at least a difference in other people lives... or at the VERY least a difference in your own life. Not quite. Find out the real world is in fact quite routine and boring. Look for a reason to continue this boring and routine life. Start working for only the pay check. Looks at other options. And find none.

Here's my take: that's why people get married from 25 to 30. In crisis, some huge and some small, people grab onto whatever they can grab on. Family just happens to be a good option. The aim from then on is to have a happy family, and this process would take at least 21 years (born child to adulthood).

heh heh.

Dog Food

Let me rewind on my last few weeks. I mentioned that I was very busy. I spent about 15 hours a day in the office for about a week to finish a report that was going out. Finally, we got it done. Saturday, Kaleen came over to Boston with an unexpectedly cheap ticket. We spent a nice weekend together. She left this morning. And after two weeks of basically doing nothing at home, I sat in front ofthe computer all afternoon to pay my bills, return emails, take care of business, household, and basically manage my life again.

Okay, asking about dog food again... well, Kaleen and I spent most our time just strolling around Boston, enjoying the summer weather (no, we don't have much of that lately, as McWing can testify to). So we were sitting on a random bench on a random street, just talking and stuff. Suddenly, this little kid runs to the bench, opens a can right beside the bench (Kaleen and I never noticed it), picks out a dog biscuit, and then runs away with it. This all happened in a few seconds, so we were wondering what was up with the can... later in the afternoon, alady with her dog walks by... and the dog refused to leave the bench area cus obviously he smells the dog biscuits! Anyway, we start talking to the lady and she told us a story about the can. There used to be a retired old man who always sat at that bench whenever he could. He'd have his dog biscuits and feed it to all the dogs who walked by with their owners. Every dog in the area knew him, andobviously all the dog walkers knew him as well. However, nobody knew his name. In 2003, this retired old man died and the bench became empty. The neighborhood, after some time, finally found out who he was, dedicated the bench to him, made a can to be placed beside the bench, and every dog owner started putting dog biscuits in the can since then.

I don't know about you, but I found this story incredibly touching. This world needs more of this retired old man and less of George Bush, Republicans, Democrats, French immigration officials, English royalties, Russian 'democratic' presidents, Israeli armies, Palestinians Jihads, nuclear scientists, terrorists, extremists, political groups, Ah Bien, Lien Chin, Ma Ying Kow, Chinese officials,Tung King Wah, Martin Lee, Szeto Wah, Tsang Yuk Shing, etc etc.

Look at this retired old man. Nobody knew his name despite receiving so many little things from him. Why did he do it? Maybe just because he was bored at home. Either way, he made a difference in the neighborhood. And he made a believer in me. I will never forget this old man.

I never thought I'd hear it from James. But I did. I've already started the week off with a headache at work... guess bad news keeps accumulating regardless.

I don't know what else I can tell James. He's 17, quite mentally mature for his age. I'm neither a very good big brother nor a very good family member. Here I am, alone in Boston, doing my own thing. Taking full advantage of my parent's willingness to let me live free from them. I care about all of them in Hong Kong. But the bottom line is that I would not want to go back now. I want to finish my AG career, go to graduate school, find out who I am, find out what I want to do, and find my path for my life. At the same time, I want to be a "hau suen" son. Maybe that's an impossible proposition. Fuck.

When James told me that he is very sad and misses Alan very much, and that mom cries all the time, I almost feel ashamed that I am one who is not too sad, doesn't miss him too much, are rarely cries. Maybe I have truly understood Alan and life. Maybe I'm just one cold blooded bastard. Parts of me believe I am the former. Parts of me believe in the latter. Life is full of these dilemma.

And my ultimate advice to my youngest brother? Is to be selfish and think about himself first. ah, the circles in life.

So... I have the responsibilities of an associate, but not the resources. How do I express this to managers and other people who supposingly have a higher rank than me? I don't know. I will voice up though. Hopefully help will arrive and I won't have a headache at work. So this is how stress builds up. One thin leads to another.

Taiwan is a mess. Two things I learn from this. One is that our so called free press in everywhere is not free. Wait, I learned this a long time ago. Two is that democracy does not come easy.

Every person from Hong Kong I speak to thinks the shooting is staged and fake. The basis of their conclusion? The evidence that Ah Bien has benefited from the shooting, there are many grey areas surrounding the injury, and that the injuries aren't life threatening at all. Where do they get this kind of evidence and conclusions? From the HK press, the Chinese press, and, most important of all, their pre-installed perception that Taiwan independence, directly linked to the PPP and Ah Bien, is bad. The last point fuels the first two.... or maybe the first two fuel the last. Either way, the evidence to conclusion path is seriously flawed and biased. To the three points of evidence above, I say: the injuries COULD be life threatening... they are, afterall, right in the stomach and could easily have hit other more important organs; the grey area of the aftermath of the assassination comes with the health of the head of the state; the fact that Ah Bien has benefited from the assassination is no evidence that he staged it himself.

On other hand, it's hard to believe the assassination attempt was a clear assassination. Doesn't assassination mean the taking of ones life? It seems that the shooter knew exactly when the fireworks would go when the car was where. That sounds like an insider knowing exactly the parade and the accompanying functions! Furthermore, an attempt on Ah Bien's life would be fruitless if the shooter shot at the stomach, since presidents are supposed, as we are told later, to wear a bullet proof vest at all times. Also, from the release of information, the shooter seemed very close to the car. Couldn't he or she have attempted a shot at the head? Anyway, evidence exists on both sides of the argument. If you are a truly reasonable person, you would need to consider all this evidence... and it would tell you that it's unclear who shot Ah Bien and why. If it is unclear who the shooter is, how can you conclude it is staged? Unbelievable. People always let their preconceptions of a situation get the best of their judgment.

You call this democracy? No, not the 'staged' (or whatever) assassination to get more sympathy votes. The fact that people are voting not based on what the presidential candidates can do for the people, but based on solely the colors (blue and green). You think Republicans always vote for Republicans? No. Much of the party is moderates and they could easily switch to the Democratic camp if George Bush fucked up. Ditto for the Democrats. No votes are taken for granted. In Taiwan, votes seem to be taken for granted. If you are green, you must vote for green and vice versa. That is not quite democracy.

To some extent, I feel that Hong Kong people are more suitable for democracy. Most people are moderates and they indeed will judge a politician by his or her performance. There are of course contingencies that will support their own party no matter what. But I'm willing to say that the vast majority of the people are not that way. The leftists who have been so critical of the Democratic Party are a perfect example of being extreme. Whatever the DP does, they oppose. Now... how is that different from the DP opposing whatever the government does? I don't know. So many things in the world not going right. It's a depressing world, from Taiwan to Hong Kong to the USA to Iraq to Israel to Madrid to Afghanistan. I hope I can do something to help when I grow up.

Yet tomorrow will be just another day... and I will have to deal with my own issues again.

I swear, I'm not picking this day because it's Charlotte's birthday. Just pure coincidence.

Lately, I've been having a lot of revelations about myself. It's quite ironic that this has happened after my wisdom teeth have been taken out. It also comes at a time when many things have gone wrong with my body and yet nothing has gone wrong in my personal or professional life. I guess it's just to be consistent with who I am... unpredictable! So, let's see, what revelations do I have?

I give up, I just don't get a long with Hong Kong guys. I think I try hard to be a good friend, but it never works. I don't get along with guys in general. But with Hong Kong guys, I have more difficulty. Maybe it's because of my abrasive and sarcastic choice of words. I honestly don't mean any of it... they come out of my mouth without me noticing it. They are jokes that are sometimes inappropriate and therefore interpreted the wrong way. I give the impression of confidence, arrogant, and cocky. That probably won't score a lot of points either. Sometimes I think I'm acting that way but really, inside, I'm quite insecure. Well... nah. I am confident of myself. Sue me. Though combining arrogance and sarcasm is the ultimate killer. Also, Hong Kong guys are more competitive when they are with other Hong Kong guys... I think that also adds to the fire a bit.

I do get along with many girls. Maybe it's cus of physical attributes, maybe cus of charm... I think mainly is because I could think in a feminine way. And when I do, I have much more patience than other guys. I can listen all day and night to some girl babble about nothing. Though I do confess this is mostly limited to girls that I have a good relationship with. Others, I just scold them off and ask them to be practical.

Perhaps being good with girls hasn't helped my cause to be good friends with guys.
Anyway, I've pretty much come to terms now. So be it. Good with girls and bad with guys... guess that's not too bad a position to be in.

I enjoy long distance relationships. Sometimes I think I deliberately chose one this time. I don't want to become too attached. I don't want too much responsibilities. I cannot, actually. One thing I learned from Alan's passing away is that if one is able to let go of things easily, one can regain strength faster and more effectively. By doing so, one can also extend a helping hand to others who cannot regain strength as fast. I like to help people, there is no doubt about that. It kind of conflicts with my abrasive and sarcastic self. Well, what can I say, a classic Gemini!
How does one easily let go of life? Understanding oneself certainly helps. Why did Alan pass away? Why did all this terrible things happen to my family? Such is life. We all make choices and Alan made his too. Once I understood that, I let go. Mom doesn't understand it still. Her life is based on her love for us. Perhaps she will never understand that we are own selves and no one can take it away from us. You can influence us, but we govern ourselves. No matter how much love is showered and how much hate is spread, we must concentrate on ourselves and not on others.

It sounds cold and selfish. Even I would admit that. But that is who I am and that is how I like it to be. I avoid to be too attached to any person. For fear of being like my mother. But then I realized it's not about being attached to someone; it's about how much of a person do you really understand. The more you understand, the more you can deal with what he or she is doing in her life. I think that's why I am such a great listener. I listen, I try to understand, and I advice. May not be the best advice, but I tried my darn best to come from the other person's angle. So... I can still love, I can still care, I can still be attached. But at the same time, I want to understand whom I love, whom I care, and whom I am attached to.

Gear switch.

It's time to move on. My days at the Analysis Group are numbered. Suddenly, I know I'm meant to move on. What have I learned in my time at AG in terms of my career? In classic Gemini fashion, I am good at what I don't want to do as a career: analyze data. The other side of my would really want to do more management but I've seldom been given the chance to do so. I understand why. If Lam is good at collecting data and analyzing it and presenting it, why give him other things to do? And of course on my part, if I am already good at certain things and doing those things would make my day look better, why not continue to do it? It's a vicious (well, not that bad I guess) cycle.

Anyway, I need to go to graduate school. What they will give me I don't know. What they will teach me I don't know. I do know one thing: I go there to learn what they teach, and I do get what they may or may not give. And at the end, I decide what I want to do for a career. Who knows, could come full circle and continue on analyzing data. Or could... gear switch again. Frankly, I don't care. Do my best and see what happens.

Sometimes I wonder whether he is looking down at us. I feel a sudden need to achieve these days. It's hard to describe why I feel that way... maybe having an actual date for the GMATs actually put my time in perspective.

Maybe mom will never recover. My physician told me a month ago that some people never recover. I think she unfortunately will be one of those. I'm not sure what other things I can do to help mom get over her suffering... though I do hope that it is only she that suffers, and not my dad and youngest brother. I hope the two of them are okay. Mom may think a lot and mourn a lot, but she's quite able to take care of herself either way.

Sometimes I wonder how I can still listen to another person tell me that they want to die and commit suicide. On the one hand, I feel that they have absolutely no respect for me and what happened to Alan. I think they are completely insensitive and I often just cut off myself from this person. On the other hand, what if he or she were serious? What if by cutting off myself with him/her, I contribute to his/her death? Now I'm confused... I guess I'd rather listen to the person.

Only that they are never serious until it's too late.

Saw "Lost in Time" with Lau Ching Wan and Cheung Pak Chi. Such a simple and moving movie. Once again, Cecilia Cheung proves herself to be a much better actor than entertainer. She depicts the initial life of a survivor flawlessly. Of course I trembled and tried in vain to control myself the first 30 minutes of the movie. I remember my mom telling me all her horror stories after Alan's death. She too didn't know who she was, where she was, why she was doing a certain thing, and what she was just doing. And all the mental lapses at the weirdest possible moment. I don't just weep for Alan. I weep for my family more now.

I wish I had my Lau Ching Wan in real life. Someone who witness my sorrows and supports me with action and thought. Then again, I don't need him now, so why do I want to waste his time. Ah, such conflict with life.