No #1

In Beijing right now. Went to a bar with an old friend and used the bathroom there. It's a Chinese old school squat toilet... smelled like shit but acceptably - acceptably only - clean. On the wall is a sign:

• In Chinese: "请勿大便"
• In English: "Don't shit here"
• Also in English: "Please do not #1 here"
• Also in English at the very bottom: "If you need to shit, please get a doggy bag"

Why are bathrooms such an adventure for me!?